Who are we to judge?

I want to start by saying that I am deeply saddened by the Chris Brown and Rihanna alleged assault. I didn’t want to even address this topic but kept stirring up in me. I have read on several other blogs and sites people’s responses. Response that range from anger to sadness and revenge. But who are we to judge? None of us were there. Plus, the fact that I have heard radio stations have stopped playing Chris Brown’s music. Why now? They didn’t stop playing R. Kelly’s with his alleged underage affairs. They definitely didn’t stop playing Michael Jackson’s with his alleged dealings with little boys. And the list goes on. Matter of fact, I think I heard their music MORE. My grandmother always said there three sides to every story. His side,her side and what really happened.

I don’t remember how old I was (I know I had to have been like 15 or 16) when I experienced my first bout of uncontrolled anger. I remember that it was one summer at my grandma’s house, all the family was there for a cookout. One of my boy cousins who was about 6 or 7 kept teasing me. I continued to ignore him and sat on my grandma’s back step waiting for a nice juicy hamburger. Next thing I know my cousin yanked my necklace off my neck. I remember the heat of anger that rose up my neck and before I even knew what I had done I had slapped him so hard he fell back. I remember hearing in slow motion my mother yelling “Noooo” but it was too late. It was done. Thankfully he wasn’t hurt at all but was very surprised.

Afterwards, I had tried to piece back in my mind my thoughts at the moment and there were none there. It felt like a my mind had switched off and I had went into autopilot. I think about the fact in no way am I a violent person but yet still violence came out of me. I have heard several people say “don’t blame the victim!” But what if the victim really is a contributor. Now that doesn’t justify harming someoneelse at all. And being in the social work, I know of several victims who did nothing to cause the attack on them. In that same token, if a victim of crime applies for victim assistance in any state, the Victim Assistance Program wants to see the police report to determine if the victim contributed to the crime done against them. Did they provoke the aggressor? Were the parties arguing?

I think that when it comes to relationships and domestic violence we need to not only deal with the abuser but the victim as well. It is not fair for a victim (male or female) to push,poke or badger the abuser (male or female) to the point of uncontrolled rage. I wasn’t there so I don’t know anything besides what is released. All I can do is pray for Chris Brown, Rihanna and their families. I pray that you do the same.

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